A Primer for Tracey (aka @ttiana)

Many of you know that at the end of the 2011 NASCAR season Tracey Johnson aka @ttiana was released from her job with ESPN. It saddened so many of us who found not only a fellow tweeter but also a fan and an advocate in Tracey.

Today we were thrilled to hear that she's rebounded and has her first new job starting tomorrow working a Lightning v Hurricanes NHL game.

Now as you may or may not know Tracey came to NASCAR by way of golf so she'll no doubt transition into hockey with only minor obstacles to overcome. But just in case she could use a little bit of help I figured a hockey primer for the NASCAR fan might be useful. So Tracey ... here's thinking of you, kiddo! Best of luck with the new endeavor.





This is a hockey rink.






Hockey purists can go a little overboard in describing it.






Thank God, sometimes there's at least something familiar about a hockey rink. Orange Cones! Do NOT go over the orange cones please, ever, anywhere, anytime.




This is a hockey rink in NASCAR terms. The blue line is the yellow line at Talladega & Daytona. You can only cross the yellow/blue line under certain circumstances and even then all such crossings are subject to overruling by an official.
Your ultimate goal is to end up where the checkers are, no matter who or what you have to run over to get there.




This is a Zamboni. Many would think that aside from the fact that this machine has 4 tires and drives in circles there is nothing to compare between NASCAR & hockey. They would be wrong.







THIS is the native habitat of the Zamboni. Please note the surface.






This is ICE. It is not asphalt. A hockey rink gets resurfaced a minimum of three times a game. No participants complain about how the new ice just doesn't feel the same as the old surface.






Notice please that that is NOT a jack positioning spot on the Zamboni. Pit stops for the Zamboni Ice Resurfacer are measured in minutes, not seconds.






Why, oh why do NASCAR fans get so much grief and jokes about only turning left? Please check out this diagram for Zamboni drivers. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Puhlease! How many NASCAR drivers actually need a map to find their way around a track? (Road courses excepted, of course.)






Unlike NASCAR's jet dryers, the Zamboni actually applies water to the racing surface to improve it. Actual jet dryers are strongly frowned upon in the NHL.






Whoever heard of plastering a sponsor's logo all over a service vehicle?






At least marketing ideas are always unique in hockey/NASCAR. Target basket? What Target basket?






Surely sponsors are more subtle in hockey.






Surely they are.






Surely.






Maybe Matt Kenseth could get the Frank J. Zamboni & Co., Inc. to sign on as a sponsor.
Hey, Mr. Zamboni Man!!






You know you're a NASCAR fan when you see this as an homage to Dale Earnhardt Sr's famed #3 car instead of the Hartford Whalers logo.






Kids/fans nationwide can establish a limited edition Diecast collection of Home Depot Zipadelli Zambonis. (Oops, nevermind.)






Zambonis are NOT golf carts. Never attempt to navigate traffic in one no matter how alluring a fast escape using one may seem.






Here we have Rusty Wallace directing his son Steven in the proper technique for handling a Zamboni. "No, no, ouch!"






Tim Brewer could spend hours explaining the complexities of the inner workings of the Zamboni. (Perfected & patented by Frank Zamboni in 1949.)






Usually only one Zamboni at a time is utilized at a hockey game. Now we understand why. The hockey equivalent of the Big One leaves something to be desired in terms of fan excitement.






Hockey is not curling. No NASCAR WAG's unofficial endorsement of the In-Styler required. Brooms do make an appearance. Sweeps very much IN.






Hockey players subscribe to the 'Boys Have at It' credo. They do NOT wear watches on the ice.






Hockey even has its own version of rusty former participants serving as commentators. Not sure about this guy's command of basic English or grammar though.






Hockey fans love promotions just as much as NASCAR fans do. Regrettably this fan whiffs on her attempt to 'Smack the Orange Cone, Win a Prize'.






Orange cones are ubiquitous in hockey. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnall's Nate Ryan!






Sometimes there are cautions in hockey. There is hardly ever any question about why a debris caution is thrown.






Sadly there is no Miss Sprint Cup in hockey. Nope, no way, no how would hockey stoop to the exploitation of women's bodies to get men even more interested in their sport.






The facility workers do not wear yellow ServiceMaster suits as they clear debris from the sporting surface.






Carl Edwards does not chuck his water bottle onto the ice at hockey games. Avian creatures have been known to make appearances at center ice. Carl has yet to preface any hockey comments with, "Yes, that Aflac Anaheim Ducks game was pretty exciting thanks to sponsor plug, sponsor plug, sponsor plug."






Even I wouldn't blame ol' Cousin Carl for flinging this sucker out of his car. You just never know what's gonna go zinging through the air & onto the ice at a hockey game. Just be extra diligent at Red Wings games, 'k?






Your goal, if you're the goalie, is to get the puck outta there! If that Phoenix Racing thing doesn't work out perhaps Kurt Busch might find a new outlet for his displeasures.






Finally, at the end of it all, when you Google for hockey pictures; when you least expect it; when you've all but written him out of it... Who should pop up? Who?






Go get 'em Tracey!!