A Primer for Tracey (aka @ttiana)

Many of you know that at the end of the 2011 NASCAR season Tracey Johnson aka @ttiana was released from her job with ESPN. It saddened so many of us who found not only a fellow tweeter but also a fan and an advocate in Tracey.

Today we were thrilled to hear that she's rebounded and has her first new job starting tomorrow working a Lightning v Hurricanes NHL game.

Now as you may or may not know Tracey came to NASCAR by way of golf so she'll no doubt transition into hockey with only minor obstacles to overcome. But just in case she could use a little bit of help I figured a hockey primer for the NASCAR fan might be useful. So Tracey ... here's thinking of you, kiddo! Best of luck with the new endeavor.





This is a hockey rink.






Hockey purists can go a little overboard in describing it.






Thank God, sometimes there's at least something familiar about a hockey rink. Orange Cones! Do NOT go over the orange cones please, ever, anywhere, anytime.




This is a hockey rink in NASCAR terms. The blue line is the yellow line at Talladega & Daytona. You can only cross the yellow/blue line under certain circumstances and even then all such crossings are subject to overruling by an official.
Your ultimate goal is to end up where the checkers are, no matter who or what you have to run over to get there.




This is a Zamboni. Many would think that aside from the fact that this machine has 4 tires and drives in circles there is nothing to compare between NASCAR & hockey. They would be wrong.







THIS is the native habitat of the Zamboni. Please note the surface.






This is ICE. It is not asphalt. A hockey rink gets resurfaced a minimum of three times a game. No participants complain about how the new ice just doesn't feel the same as the old surface.






Notice please that that is NOT a jack positioning spot on the Zamboni. Pit stops for the Zamboni Ice Resurfacer are measured in minutes, not seconds.






Why, oh why do NASCAR fans get so much grief and jokes about only turning left? Please check out this diagram for Zamboni drivers. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Puhlease! How many NASCAR drivers actually need a map to find their way around a track? (Road courses excepted, of course.)






Unlike NASCAR's jet dryers, the Zamboni actually applies water to the racing surface to improve it. Actual jet dryers are strongly frowned upon in the NHL.






Whoever heard of plastering a sponsor's logo all over a service vehicle?






At least marketing ideas are always unique in hockey/NASCAR. Target basket? What Target basket?






Surely sponsors are more subtle in hockey.






Surely they are.






Surely.






Maybe Matt Kenseth could get the Frank J. Zamboni & Co., Inc. to sign on as a sponsor.
Hey, Mr. Zamboni Man!!






You know you're a NASCAR fan when you see this as an homage to Dale Earnhardt Sr's famed #3 car instead of the Hartford Whalers logo.






Kids/fans nationwide can establish a limited edition Diecast collection of Home Depot Zipadelli Zambonis. (Oops, nevermind.)






Zambonis are NOT golf carts. Never attempt to navigate traffic in one no matter how alluring a fast escape using one may seem.






Here we have Rusty Wallace directing his son Steven in the proper technique for handling a Zamboni. "No, no, ouch!"






Tim Brewer could spend hours explaining the complexities of the inner workings of the Zamboni. (Perfected & patented by Frank Zamboni in 1949.)






Usually only one Zamboni at a time is utilized at a hockey game. Now we understand why. The hockey equivalent of the Big One leaves something to be desired in terms of fan excitement.






Hockey is not curling. No NASCAR WAG's unofficial endorsement of the In-Styler required. Brooms do make an appearance. Sweeps very much IN.






Hockey players subscribe to the 'Boys Have at It' credo. They do NOT wear watches on the ice.






Hockey even has its own version of rusty former participants serving as commentators. Not sure about this guy's command of basic English or grammar though.






Hockey fans love promotions just as much as NASCAR fans do. Regrettably this fan whiffs on her attempt to 'Smack the Orange Cone, Win a Prize'.






Orange cones are ubiquitous in hockey. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnall's Nate Ryan!






Sometimes there are cautions in hockey. There is hardly ever any question about why a debris caution is thrown.






Sadly there is no Miss Sprint Cup in hockey. Nope, no way, no how would hockey stoop to the exploitation of women's bodies to get men even more interested in their sport.






The facility workers do not wear yellow ServiceMaster suits as they clear debris from the sporting surface.






Carl Edwards does not chuck his water bottle onto the ice at hockey games. Avian creatures have been known to make appearances at center ice. Carl has yet to preface any hockey comments with, "Yes, that Aflac Anaheim Ducks game was pretty exciting thanks to sponsor plug, sponsor plug, sponsor plug."






Even I wouldn't blame ol' Cousin Carl for flinging this sucker out of his car. You just never know what's gonna go zinging through the air & onto the ice at a hockey game. Just be extra diligent at Red Wings games, 'k?






Your goal, if you're the goalie, is to get the puck outta there! If that Phoenix Racing thing doesn't work out perhaps Kurt Busch might find a new outlet for his displeasures.






Finally, at the end of it all, when you Google for hockey pictures; when you least expect it; when you've all but written him out of it... Who should pop up? Who?






Go get 'em Tracey!!

In Pursuit of Risk

Life is dangerous. Fragile organs encased by an even more vulnerable cocoon of gossamer skin supported by a friable scaffolding of bone.

We persevere against all odds. Given the innumerable dangers human beings face every single day it is amazing that we are not curled into corners, cowering in fear at all the obstacles with which we are challenged.

Columbus sailed off with no assurances he was not voyaging off the edge of the known world. Men rocketed into space in acceptance that upon their return, if indeed they did manage to return, they would be quarantined for an indeterminate time to protect the rest of the world from whatever they might have encountered in the great unknown.

Human beings seem hard-wired to set aside known fears in a quest to explore the precipices of danger. This ability to compartmentalize the obvious obstacles moves humankind forward.

Does this innate search for boundaries create heroes? Sometimes probably, but more often the pursuit itself is a universal trait shared by all of us. We must strive. It is simply a part of us. It is how our species survives. We acknowledge inherent risks, ameliorate them and move forward. There is no alternative. Risk is in us.

When Risk demands payment, the cost can be severe.

In today's society, risk seeking behavior is sometimes quelled by organized sport. Payment still is exacted. Participants are fully cognizant of the perils. They face the dangers with ever evolving safety precautions. When fragility trumps prevention, Fate levies consequences.

We know the possibilities. We persist. We cherish those most dear all the more. Realities reset what we previously thought were priorities.

It's human nature. Despite horrific penalties we return to the pursuit of Risk. We are forever changed in some subtle way though. We draw together. We treasure each other.

Championships are ephemeral. Cherish those who quest. Prize those you love.

The Childress Ambusch

Richard Childress starring in the NASCAR version of "Grampas Gone Wild" reeked of favoritism to the Old Guard. I understand NASCAR's desire to guide/steer/orchestrate the product served up to the public. Really, I do. NASCAR fans want excitement and colorful characters. The whole incident had even non-NASCAR fans in my office buzzing about it today (Monday). To that extent the brouhaha created a desired effect. BUT, by not doling out any meaningful punishment today NASCAR risks being relegated to the ranks of WWE and its choreographed shenanigans.

The amount of the monetary fine was practically inconsequential to an owner of Childress's standing... and what is more meaningless than the toothless threat of a NASCAR probation? Today's slap on the wrist administered by NASCAR should be perceived as a nose-thumbing by NASCAR to Kyle Busch and any stakemember outside the favored status of good ol' boy.

NASCAR got the call right on aggressor v. victim but totally missed the boat on the nature & severity of the punishment. Last year Tom Logano had his hard card pulled for merely flipping off Greg Biffle for running his son Joey into a back stretch wall because pere Logano inserted himself into the goings-on at the race track. More than a paltry fine & completely meaningless probation, perhaps forcing Childress to endure the ignominy of standing in the credentials line with the rest of the NASCAR common rabble would better illustrate how serious NASCAR took his interference with a competitor. That or have him wear a scarlet letter for the rest of the season.

Probation? Ha! Childress should have been suspended from all track operations for a minimum of 4 weeks. NASCAR cited a need for on-site organizational leadership as the reason for permitting Childress to remain at the track on Sunday following his ambusch. There are many other owners who show far superior leadership than Childress. Heck, Richard Childress Racing (RCR) already had an owner in its organization present at the track Sunday. Shoot, she even had her own firesuit and from what I've heard tell, she knows how to use it!

Finally, I watched the entire truck race. I scrutinized the jousting that went on between Coulter & Busch in the final laps of the race. Each racer raced the other hard but cleanly. I've seen the replay of the bump/tap/wreck that Busch gave Coulter. It's only one angle. I'd love to see another or two or at least inspect the actual damage done to the #22 truck by the #18. Maybe it was worse than it looked but to my admittedly biased eye the contact following the race was more of a 'welcome to the big leagues' kind of pat on the butt given by a veteran to a rookie after a well played contest than any kind of intentional wrecking. An atta-boy acknowledgment. Welcome to our fraternity type of deal.

If what is reported as happening between Childress & Busch actually transpired, then Childress completely lost it and over-reacted in an entirely inappropriate manner. The repercussions he must "suffer" were ludicrous. With the punishment meted out, NASCAR is closer than ever to transforming itself into another theater sport like WWE and its ilk.

Sorry folks. That is NOT my NASCAR.

Disparate Buddies

Hair tousled, eyes shyly downcast, my NASCAR fan buddy from my school's special day class approached my desk today. He was shielding something in his hand from view.

"Hey Buddy! What's up?!"

"I brought you something..."

and with that he lovingly handed me a 1:64 diecast of the #18 in its first Toyota Cup win Snickers paint scheme.

Now this wasn't a diecast still all pristine and unopened in its packaging. His mom hadn't seen this on a store shelf and suggested he let her buy it so he could give it to Ms Barb at school. This puppy had seen some hard racing. It had 'Darlington stripes" and scrapes and scratches from many a race re-enacted by my li'l pal.

I wish you could have seen the pride shining from this fella's eyes as he so proudly shared his gift with me. I was so touched at his generosity. It meant an incredible amount to me that he'd wish to share such a cherished possession.

As I accepted his present I asked if it'd be ok for a hug and when he happily acquiesced he bestowed an even bigger gift.

The Snickers diecast now resides front & center on display on my desk. My li'l buddy earning a similar spot in my heart.

Thank you NASCAR for bringing two such disparate characters together... even if he IS a Dale Jr. fan!

Kevin v. Kyle - Darlington, May 7, 2011

Will the punishment fit the crime?

Given their history, an on-track dust-up was inevitable. At the end of the 2010 season the litany of incidents perpetrated on Joe Gibbs Racing drivers by Kevin Harvick was probably well into the double-digits. The final ignominy for most JGR fans was at Homestead when Harvick intentionally wrecked Busch in a fiery crash then had the audacity to brag about 'parking' Kyle for 'driving like a clown all day'. My point is that I'm certain each of the JGR drivers started this season with a sour taste in his mouth about Kevin Harvick and his penchant for happily spinning out any JGR car that he could catch.

I watched the replays of Saturday night's on-track incident at Darlington that precipitated the post-race fracas. It appeared to me that the beginning of the incident occurred when Harvick seemed to 'give' track position to Busch only to speed ahead, contact his bumper, and get Busch loose. While that was transpiring both cars, by necessity, lost some momentum which allowed Bowyer to catch them, making it 3-wide coming out of the turn. As Busch ran out of track on the high side, Harvick ricocheted between Bowyer & Busch, causing Bowyer to head for the inside wall and crash his car.

As that happened Busch regained control of his car from the earlier tap from Harvick. Now, I am a Busch fan. Try as I might I could not say that Kyle lost control of his car as it took that sharp left toward Harvick's bumper. Kyle's too good a precision driver. Yes, Kyle was "having at it"; exacting immediate retribution for Harvick's earlier spin attempt and exacting some revenge for all the slights of 2010. It was immediate, emotional and to some extent expected. As spotter TJ Majors would tweet later that evening, "Love it when drivers get raced the way they race!"

What followed at the end of the race was uncalled for though.

As the drivers were preparing to enter pit road, Busch tried to avoid conflict with Harvick by veering back on to the track at pit road's entrance when he saw Harvick would be directly in line with him. ADVANTAGE: Busch

When Harvick saw Busch swerve back onto the racing surface, he abruptly left the pit road line to go up to harry Busch. DISADVANTAGE: Harvick

Back on the track surface Harvick pulled past Busch's car to block him from avoiding confrontation. DISADVANTAGE: Harvick

Once Harvick pulled past Busch, Kyle attempted to put his car into reverse so as to defuse chances for hostilities. (Here is when reverse gear was lost on the #18 car.) ADVANTAGE: Busch

Lacking reverse Busch was forced into making a sweeping circle turn to gain entrance to pit road. Harvick was able to enter more quickly and got in front of Busch. DRAW

Harvick blocked Busch on pit road and without reverse Kyle was reduced to sitting and waiting out the situation. Again almost a DRAW as Harvick was making his point about being peeved without physical confrontation.

At last Harvick extricated himself from his car, leaving it unattended and still blocking Busch. (Was the #29 left in gear or in neutral? Was it running or shut off? Was Harvick negligent leaving a driver-less car on pit road?) DISADVANTAGE: Harvick

As Harvick, still wearing his protective racing helmet, emerged from his car Busch was left with only unsavory options. He could get out of his car and fight the obviously angry Harvick and his rapidly coalescing crewmen. He couldn't back up and he couldn't drive around since the two cars were bumper to bumper and Busch had no reverse gear. His choice in this instance was to sit in his car and await a pummeling from Happy & friends or he could attempt to tap the 29 car enough to give himself room to drive away from the impending melee. We all saw the choice he made. I had to ask myself what I would have done given the same or similar circumstances. ADVANTAGE: Busch

Was it safe to tap the 29? Probably not. Did Busch have much choice? Again, probably not. Who was most endangered by the unoccupied rolling 29? The pit crew guys in red who were just as much spoiling for a fight as their driver. Did these 'Harvick Henchmen' deserve to get hit by a 3500 lb stock car? Of course not. Should Busch be held to blame for that? Again, of course not! That was never his intention though at that point it was pretty much his only available option.

What would I do if I was in charge of policing this? I'd put both of them on probation. No fines. No points. Probation - not til Dec 31 but for a certain number of races. If that doesn't curtail such shenanigans the next incident would result in monetary fines and probation through the rest of the year.

Y'all asked for emotion. They gave it to ya. Punish if you must but don't blame Busch for consequences resulting from Harvick's petulance.